Dr Louise Porter www.louiseporter.com.au の2回目のセッションに行った。今日は友達, shyness, introvert children, bullyingなどのレクチャーの中でQ&Aがあるとのことで、30分前に会場へ着き、受付をしていたSue Koの友人に話して、無記名での質問を紙に書いて渡した。Dr Porterはいろいろな準備をテキパキとこなしながら、渡されたその紙を読んでいた。
1) I have separated from my partner about two years ago (we weren’t married). I am with my 4.5 yrs old daughter, have my own small business, have moved to a new location, and I am happy. He’s still utterly sad and suffering so much on daily basis by the fact that he’s apart from his daughter (He sees her once or twice a week). His view is that our daughter is suffering because of no father around much, and the fact that she had to move away from a familiar into a new environment. My view is different from his.
My concern is that how much of his suffering and negative view of his life in general, is rubbed onto her when they spend time together. How to protect her. And how to talk about Daddy with my daughter in positive light.
2) Recently I’ve noticed that my daughter has started to play with Daddy’s emotions, as he’s desperate to be with her, and very needy of her. (“Do you miss me?” “How much do you miss me, Daddy?” and not going towards him immediately, as if she knows that he’s desperate to come and hug her.) Although she is still under 5, she can manipulate his emotions. How to deal with this.
Dr Porter’s answers:
1) Children are happier to stay with a happy parent rather than both parents who don’t get along and are not happy together. Let a child be a child – through playing, learning, being happy and worry-free, while the adults take care of themselves. If he can’t get his life together, he may need to take counselling or seek other help to get sorted.
When the child starts to understand the father’s situation more, tell her that “It looks like Daddy is struggling but there is nothing you can do to help that. (It is not her responsibility to help him.)”
2) Does the father know about this? If he doesn’t, tell him about this – Aya’s started to play with his emotions. Tell him to stay positive. Even if it is difficult right now to get over the sorrow/anger, or even he doesn’t know what he’ll be doing in five years time, tell Aya that he’s okay. He’s handling it. He’s in charge of building his life back up again. He’s taking responsibility.